Strength is not fighting petty on the surface.
Its a reserve from deep within.
Strength requires you to look before you speak.
It requires you to understand the nature of your fight before you jump.
sometimes wrath is acceptable.
but not when others are at stake.
a rule of leadership is to never threaten someone
to leave the nucleus, unless you were very sure.
especially never ask someone sort of weaker than you.
a strong leader carries on his shoulders a lot of weaker - weaker than him - souls.

go to hell .. whoever hurt me in past , whoever's hurting me in present and who ever dares to think 2 hurt me in future... STRENGTH IS not fighting petty on the surface, its frm deep within.. and my reserves are strong, i know tht !

i am so mch in pain.. akin to deathly pain.

the reason being i m a member of a grp blog of our arch class ((??? WHICH CLASS RACHANA?)) .jst a member, not a moderator etc wid powers.

i was using this place to connect share let my feelings flow.. ... it was a real live growing process . i liked tht it was a sanctuary nd still i cud share wid real ppl, unlike this blog, which only few may read. or none as i keep hiding.

it took forever, to even open up here, fr someone so closed frm inside, this grp blog is letting me live slowly, v slowly, ... i cn release so many of my pent up emotions here than newhere else in the universe and i dnt know why?

.. and i was now ... sending sm inspirational story .. bit by bit to my grp and the moderator jst cut off my msgs, meaning my msgs will b onboard.. bt jst on the blogsite not even in ppl's inboxes.

tht inbox process was v good.its liek writng personal letters. so mch btr than my orkut site too.. as i dnt want ppl to go more smwhr else ot read my msgs..

this is internalising and externalising. internalising is inbox msgs. externalising is send ppl on more route hunts.. does ne one care to go? my inbox is full of most intelligent ppl on planets's msgs , and does neone care ot read? ... i care, bt still too tied up to pursue.

this brings me back to me.

the thing is this moderator stopped the msgs in a way tht i felt killed. is it using abusing powers? at least the prsn cn jst b clled intelligent. this is thnking po.

was my ego hurt, hell yes, bt do u think im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo like how i am, based on my ego. no. its so beyond tht sm sch ppl canT understand as this mod may be.

i was really dng it fr myself and fr everyone else? why am i not fighting ? PETTY.

i got killed bcoz i m real. this thing was real. the process the person. the ppl reading it too. maybe the mod doesnt care, hes not on the same subtle consciousness lvl as me and cnt be coz being a man. and who gave him the power to hurt me so mch.why cnt i find other outlets, like this one? why cnt i jst blog instead of bloggin in my grp, why this ..... dependence , the cord?

dunno, tears!..

all i knw is tht blog brought so mch best of me out. thts a treasure. and i wont let ne egotistical mod destroy it. i also know he doesnt let my mails reach sm of my frds. hell only my frds .. talk to me.. not thse strangers in thr too.. so i dnt know even...know.

i just even dnt know how to convey my msg in an effective strong way. strength is not fighting petty on the surface. its frm deep within. im hurting.